Your ability to communicate can be your greatest asset. The choice of words and nonverbal behaviors you use in your conversations with those you love is packed with…power. Too much power to leave to chance, so why not consciously access this power to positively transform your relationships? It is through your exchange of words and nonverbal behaviors that you exercise your power to build—or to hinder—nurturing, strong, and mutually beneficial couple and family relationships.
Why is communication a critical capacity?
Communication is critical because it is the means by which you strengthen or weaken your relationships. In other words, what you say and, especially, how you say things matters. How you communicate, verbally and nonverbally, is often the key to unlocking the power you have to transform your life and relationships.
How you communicate is also essential to the exercise of your personal power; that is, the power of how you choose to communicate, how you respond to what is happening around you, events in your life and relationships, to best fulfill you own core (hard-wired) emotional drives. What are these? More than just meeting your physical needs, you are wired with inner emotional drives for safety, belonging, love, esteem, fun, contribution, and purpose, among others. In other words, you are not just wired to live, you are wired to love. Knowing how to articulate what you want, and how to deliver your requests, can make or break your chances to succeed in having the optimal cooperation or response you desire from others.
Communication is also the means with which you show others you care about them, and a major way to show we care is to convey respect for their perspective, unique contributions, or concerns. Pause for a moment to reflect on how strongly you yearn for others to treat you this way. These emotional drives are shared and universal. You convey your respect for others by how you listen to them when they talk. Since core inner strivings are universal values you and your loved ones share in common, knowing how to express your love and appreciation in ways that your talking and listening inspire and energize both you and your loved ones’ best efforts, with hope and belief in one another, is really, really important. The bottom line is that: when the significant others in your life feel you value them as individuals, they are more likely to open their hearts to cooperatively working together with you. Do you know how to inspire enthusiasm in those you love?
Conscious Listening and Conscious Talking?
Conscious-Love™ Communication involves both conscious-love listening and conscious-love talking. Conscious-Love™ Listening is a way to listen with your heart. Often, when you talk to one another other, you do not listen
mindfully; that is, you listen without a conscious intention to listen with your Heart to “know” and to “understand” and to “connect empathically” to the feelings and yearnings beneath what others say and do. You may be distracted, partially listening, and partially thinking about something else.
Or, it may be the case that, when engaged in conflict, you are busy formulating a defensive response in your mind to what is being said. You do this because you assume you “know” the other. After all, you may tell yourself you have heard what this “opponent” is saying many times before, so why pay attention, when you could focus instead on how to respond so you can formulate an argument that would prove the other wrong, or be blamed, or be at fault. This may “make sense,” yet, the application of this type of thinking has disastrous effects on relationships.
Conscious-Love™ Talking signals that you want to share your experience of life with others you care about. You yearn for love and connection with others, and you are also hard-wired to strive to be known, to be understood, and to be recognized for the unique perspective and value you bring to life and those you love. The yearning to be appreciated, loved, and valued—regardless any limitations or mistakes, or even talents and successes—is a strong impulse within each of us.
Talking is your opportunity to authentically share your experience of life with others; it is hoped, in a way that increases the chance that you will be heard and understood, thus, more fulfilling to you. You do this when your choice of words and body language honor the dignity of each person involved in the interaction. This makes it more likely the other does not get triggered or defensive, thus, the person is able to stay engaged in the communication.
When you honor the need in you and others to be treated with dignity, you exercise your power to consciously protect and nurture your relationship. And, the building of a strong and secure relationship is what makes it more likely you can influence the other to respond to your requests, wants, and yearnings. Conscious-Love™ talking involves the conscious use of your voice, words, touch, eye contact, and other non-verbal ways of communication to consciously nurture and to preserve the relationship.
Conscious-Love™ Communication is a way to talk and listen that focuses on protecting and nurturing the health of your most cherished relationships. A key factor that protects your relationships is how you treat yourself and others in your interactions, particularly when discussing painful issues. Honoring one another’s dignity, even when you and your loved ones get triggered, makes it more likely that you will remain consciously engaged and connected in the process. The conscious use of communication, ultimately, is in each person’s highest benefit. It unlocks doors to more easily and effortlessly realize what you need from one another, while simultaneously avoiding what you do not want, such as energy wasting struggles or forceful demands, and other defensive behaviors.
For more information about conscious-love relationship therapy, neuroscience, relationships, or to schedule an appointment or workshop, contact me at [email protected], visit other areas on this website.